Diary of Zidane Tribal
by The Tiny Pea
Summary: Our furry tailed friend gets a diary! Welcome to the depths of Zidane's thoughts. Mind you, it's not that deep. Random and a little perverted.
1. S3PhIrotH, CloUd, and chatsp3ak

**Disclaimer: FF9 isn't mine, nor is any of the copyrighted stuff I mention.**

Diary of Zidane Tribal

**Note: I really should be writing my actual fics. Ah well, inspiration has struck! Zidane…gets a diary! Please don't say that Gaia doesn't have the technology or stuff that I mention. It's called…PARODY people! **

**Warnings: Slight OOC, a little pervertedness, and language.**

July Fifth

Man, today was the best day of my life. I touched Dagger's ass. She got really mad at me. It was hot. In two ways. Hell yeah.

I'm writing this in Lindblum. We just kicked the ass of a freaky Black Waltz. It knocked out Steiner. I laughed.

Earlier, when I went to this pub for lunch, I heard the song. Hips Don't Lie. Freya, this rat chick I met a long time ago…started…dancing.

Bored as hell, I danced too.

_Oh baby when you talk like that,_

_You make a woman go mad!_

_So be wise, and keep on,_

_Reading the signs of my body._

I wish Dagger came along. I could try reading the signs of **her** body. So sad…

--

Quina is lucky. S/he doesn't know the difference between a man and a woman. Because s/he IS the difference!

Lucky…I WANNA BE THE DIFFERENCE!

The author says that I haven't met Quina so I can't write about her/him. I told her to piss off.

--

I hope no one reads this diary. Dagger will never date me, Steiner will kill me, and Vivi…will copy everything I say here. I don't even wanna know what SEPHIROTH will do.

--

**Dagger: (Reads diary) I am never gonna date him.**

**Steiner: (Turns red) That monkey shall face my wrath!**

**Vivi: How do I read the signs of a body? (Googles it) **

**Sephiroth (GASP!): Kuja's brother? I must send my regards to the one I love's brother! (Find's Aerith's body and mails it.)**

--

July Ninth

I. Am. So. Freaking. Pissed. I LOST THE WORLD CUP! Yeah, France lost. I listened to the radio. I don't even know where the hell France is though!

Zidane ended up headbutting some goalkeeper. Amen. That goalie deserved it. I SHOULD HAVE WON!

Man. I hate this stinkin' world. Maybe I should become emo. Nah. The author says that's plagiarizing someone else's work.

I don't what that means.

--

Manga. I finally read one. Something called…Yu-Gi-Oh! I thought it was retarded. Except for Dark Magician Girl. She was hot.

Pokemon. Haha! That's fun to say. Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon.

I wonder what Cloud would say if he read this. Cloud is my hommie. Dun, dun, dun.

Hyper sugar rush! Vivi had one today. When…we were in the Festival of the Hunt. I won. To the losers, I'd like to be very sportsmanlike. I'd like too. Oh well. IN YOUR FACES! Suckers!

--

**Dagger: Who's this…Cloud?**

**Steiner: That Cloud looks like a flower, the cloud next to it looks like a monkey…ahem. (Cough)**

**Dark Magician: He cannot speak ill of the Dark Magician Girl! (Dark Magic Attack!) **

**--**

July Tenth

The author says I can't write anymore. She says that until July Eleventh happens, it would be unrealistic to write a day ahead. Dammit!

My diary is getting wet. No I did NOT wet myself. Like last night. I'm in Gizamaluke's Grotto. With…Freya, Vivi…and Quina! In your face SakuraRibbons!

I'm bored. I wanna play…Final Fantasy IX! Damn. No T.V. though…

Let's play…tag!

--

We played tag. Vivi slipped on a puddle. His hat fell off.

Gasp.

It scared the hell outta us.

Quina ran half a step and then fell over because s/he was tired. Lyke, OMG!

After tag, we played, READ THE CHATSPEAK! OMG! dId u c dagg3rs hAIr?

I went insane. Cookies! I'm hungry and tired.

My tail is cut in half for some reason.

**--**

**Note: Yep. This sounds pretty good for now. This'll be multi-chaptered. Sorta. Random? I hope it was. A little bit anyway. The updates will be random. Other fics to work on. Ideas, comments, flames, criticism, and the like are welcomed! Until next chapter!**

****


	2. I'm too sexy wearing a condom

Diary of Zidane Tribal

**Note: Yay! Another chapter is up. Some pervy-ness in this chapter. (cough) **

July Eleventh

Oh yeah. We beat that dumbass Gizamaluke dude into tomorrow. Freya did her jump thingy and hit the thing from the back.

I think there she hit it from the back for another reason. (wink)

Burmecia is where we're at. I hope Dagger didn't come here. The black mages would be checking her out, left and right.

Quina ended up eating the Cancer stellazio. I hit him/her with my Ogre. I wonder why my weapon is called the Ogre.

Maybe if I left the Ogre and Dagger in bed… (mental images.) I see. THAT'S why it's called the Ogre!

--

I got an MP3 player today. The Video iPod. I have over a hundred songs downloaded. That's…one hundred gil? Stupid programmers at SquareEnix…should be one hundred dollars.

My favorite song….is 'I'm too Sexy.' Because…I am. Today I told Freya I was too sexy for my shirt.

She gave me this weird look and asked if I took my medicine. I told her that condoms were PROTECTION and not medicine.

I'm too sexy for my shirt! I'm too sexy for my shirt! So I took it off.

--

Dammit! I'm gonna write ahead in my diary even if the damn authoress says no!

--

**Freya: (Turns red) Retarded fool…**

**Vivi: Ummm…too…sexy?**

**Quina: Is edible?**

--

July Twelfth

Today, we're in Cleyra. And I got mail. From…SEPHIROTH! It was a present. With a hot girl in a box.

I remember. Aerith or something. Cloud's teammate. I dumped her in an ocean. Let the Gigan Octopuses eat you!

--

Cleyra was destroyed. We met up with Beatrix again too. She's sexy…but too old. Man, why does Steiner get her? Steiner…is fat and old. He doesn't deserve her!

Yaoi. That's my new word. It's so…yaoi. I've seen yaoi pics of Blank and me, and Kuja and me. The ones with Kuja were wrong. It's not yaoi. It's incest.

The word yaoi reminds me of…Gravitation. Shuichi and Yuki. NOT Yuki Sohma peeps!

--

Bounce wit it, drop wit it, lean wit it, rock wit it, snap wit it, all my fella's tip their hats wit it…do it to it….

That's my song. But still…I'm too sexy for my shirt. (Smirk)

--

**Cloud: Aerith? Where are you?**

**Yuki (Sohma): I was mentioned? Did Shigure write this? Pervert. Honda-san! Baka neko! Come over here!**

**Kuja: How are all these cameos getting in? (Flare Stars all of 'em!)**

July Thirteenth

Life sucks. I suck…stuff. Yeah. The stuff is called…a…

…Lollipop!

We met up with Dagger again. She was almost executed. Vivi asked if he could throw a party if Dagger died. I wish she did…NOT!

--

We had thirty minutes to rescue her. It took me…twenty-nine minutes and fifty-nine seconds!

Dagger, Vivi, and I were forced to go the Outer Continent. Screw Regent Cid. OMG!

SRC Screw Regent Cid.

Whoo!

This chick, Lani…we had to fight her. She had an axe. It was as big as her…-censored-

--

Damn authoress for censoring my wording…

--

Gasp! I saw…The OMEN! Creepy kid if ya ask me. I asked Dagger if I could sleep with her after I watched it.

I WAS SCARED!

She told me no and locked me in a closet. I wet myself. Five times.

--

**Dagger: I have digital photo's everyone! (Puts on internet)**

**Vivi: (Wets pants)**

**Zidane: Why're you copying me Vivi?**

**Vivi: Squall told me to.**

**Zidane: (Choke) SQUALL?**

--

One last thing…I'm too sexy for my shirt!

--

**Note: Quick lightning update! Whoo! Hope y'all liked it! I'm going to summer camp for a week starting Sunday so…yeah. I might update again. Who knows? Anyway, some pervy-ness here. But then again…what story is good without some pervy stuff? Haha, just kidding. Bye for now!**


	3. I wanna go and have IT

Diary of Zidane Tribal

**Note: Hey again! Sorry about updating. The 'I'm to Sexy for my shirt' parts…I should give the credits to XSora-ChanX. Anyway, enjoy!**

**--**

July Fourteenth

Great. She updates. AFTER July Fourteenth. Bitch.

Today, we had to go through this place called Gargan Roo. We had to **ride **a Gargant. Booya.

Everything was down in da hood. Until Conde Petie…stupid Rally-Ho. Sounded JUST like Rally-Ho without the 'rally.'

We had these reallllllllllllly tiny beds when we got here. So I suggested we connect all of them and sleep together. Dagger slapped me. Ouch.

Well, I haven't gone to bed yet. So, I'm writing this down.

Dammit…I've lost inspiration…can't wait to see Kuja…

Random fact of the day!

A -censored- a day keeps the -censored- away!

AGAIN! STOP WITH THE CENSORING!

-censored-

I'm in love with a stripper…

--

**Dagger: (cries) Why am I in love with a retard? WHY?**

**Vivi: BEEEP! –censored-**

**Quina: Zidane in love with stripper? Zidane no love Kuja…**

--

July Fifteenth

Meh. We saw a black mage today. Whoop-dee-doo…notice the sarcasm? Fear me. Rawr…

Vivi wanted to go after him so we did. I got lost. Yeah. I didn't read the signs right. Owls? We can't even get a decent cup of coffee here and yet they we have owls?

This game is messed up.

--

Ziddy-kun no su ke be! That's Japanese for Ziddy-kun is a pervert.

I learned how to say that from a cool little book. It was originally Kyo-kun no su ke be but…Ziddy-kun is better!

I'm so conceited!

--

OMG! I got a Rune Tooth! It's so long…and it's harder than the ogre.

Psyche!

Vivi found out about how mages die. It's a one year life span for them.

Or…life spam!

I can't wait until Vivi's time is up. I WON'T cry like I did in Something to See.

Damn authoress…why does she control me? WHY, WHY, WHY?

**Kheheheh…get ready Zidane…**

Great. Kaminari attack or something? Where's my rubber suit? It absorbs thunder…wait. I'M NOT A GIRL!

Fine. Quina is my protection.

Not THAT kind of protection. Perverts. Rot in hell!

Wait. I'm telling myself to rot in hell. Grrr…

--

**Vivi: (dies)**

**Dagger: Vivi! No! **

**Zidane: Yes! (Evil laugh)**

--

July Sixteenth

That authoress is scary. She has a stupid signature now that she puts at the end of all of her reviews.

I told Dagger a story last night. She was touched…I could tell…

I could've manipulated her at any minute…I'm SO nice, so I didn't.

No? I'm not nice? Yeah right. I saved Gaia so THERE!

**No. You will die a painful death in the Iifa Tree while you and Kuja fall in love. Dagger will be mortified and marry Lowell as a result.**

(choke) NOOOO!

**Psyche!**

See how mean that authoress is? I told ya.

--

Today, we had to go back to Conde Petie. Dagger and I got married. You wanna know why? 

The Sanctuary. I can't wait to go there. Because…of what I read in Krimson Rogue's fic. Me and Dagger HAVE to go because…I wanna do it.

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha.

--

We met this kid named Eiko today. She's annoying, but she loves me. I should have a Prince Zidane fan club.

Duh.

We went to her home…it's this crappy place called Madain Sari. Amazingly boring.

We ate some of her food and Vivi got a little oglop in his stew. He almost ate it. That, was when we found out Vivi is allergic to oglops. He got a rash on his…head.

Yeah, so, at night, I had to take of Vivi's hat and his head made this…'tinkle' noises.

It scared the hell outta me.

I'm too sexy for my shirt!

--

**Vivi: He poured boiling water on my head! TTTT**

**Dagger: Awww…(hugs)**

**Eiko: L-O-V-E M-E! Zidane!**

--

**Note: Hi all! Finally got around to updating. This chapter sucked but I wanted to update a FF9 story…gomen! Anyway, tons of Furuba references so try and find some. Yeah, and I referred to Krimson Rogue in this chapter. Anyway, to anyone who reads How did I…?, the next chapter is gonna be up sometime this week…'til next chapter!**


	4. Puberty, Nagako, Amarant, oh my!

Diary of Zidane Tribal

**Note: Heya! Updated! Okay, I'll write it here now. This is the fic that is in the low priority list…so sorry! I'm trying to finish Rat in the Hat so I can work on new fics and update more! If I don't update this on a regular basis, I'm sorry. Anyway, enjoy! (Oh, and this fic will go until the end…so Memoria and beyond baby!) **

--

July Seventeenth

Crap. I just realized I've gone through…PUBERTY! Yeah. I'm a late bloomer. What can I say?

So, I'm going through all the classics. Like, -censored-

Damn.

Maybe, I can get a moustache…I'd look so damn sexy…although I'm already sexy…

…FOR MY SHIRT!

--

_You got soul, you got class, you got style, you're bad ass…_

I have a TON of soul…and style…but class? Psh…

Well, maybe I'm not bad ass…

Today, Eiko decided to take us to the Iifa Tree. I **was **excited…until I found out that I couldn't do it with Dagger in the tree.

Vivi would copy me…and it wouldn't be pretty…

So, we had to roam a dead tree and fight skeletons.

I could've sworn one was trying to strip for me.

--

There was this place…in the center of the tree. All…greenish…

Reminded me of Terra…

--

The oh so mighty authoress said not to talk about Terra…because I haven't learned too much about myself yet.

I have learned…MANY things about myself thank you very much!

Like, I'm related to Miaka from Fushigi Yugi!

Gasp.

Yeah. You heard me right. Miaka. Got it? Good. Yeah. So…

What did you have for breakfast today?

--

**Kuja: Ahhh…so my brother finally realizes…THAT I AM NAKAGO! Evil, yet very sexy. (Conceit and a compliment.)**

**Dagger: (looks ghetto and goth…at the same time.) This is all Zidane's effing fault. **

**Steiner: Princess?**

--

July Eighteenth

I have met…dun, dun, dun…Amarant Coral!

Lyke…OMG! hes soooo kewl!shift11!

No. He's not.

He's a pain in the frickin ass.

I'm too nice to use the actual 'F' word. That and the authoress won't use it.

--

Amarant is pretty good in a fight. I'll admit that. But…in a beauty contest?

LAWL.

I'll win. Fo shizzle!

Dammit…I was so nice to him. I didn't do my super special kung-fu moves!

Yeah. Kung-fu. Everybody was kung-fu fighting!

Too bad Eiko woke up when I was singing it.

"Ummm…Zidane?" she asked.

"Piss off."

Hell yeah.

--

Well, another damn chapter of my life is over.

Thank god.

I'm gonna hate tomorrow…so, I'll just go to bed.

In my sexy shirt!

--

**Lani: Oh crap…perverted monkey boy…**

**Amarant: (shifty eyes)**

--

**Note: CRAP! I haven't updated ANYTHING for the past three weeks! Forget what I said up there…on a good day, I can write a chapter for this in twenty minutes! So, I can at least update this. One main reason I haven't updated…is because I've been chatting on Neo a lot! Must…stop! Anyway, I need some ideas…got any? Please?**


	5. Ow! I keep missing!

Diary of Zidane Tribal

**Note: Yay! New chapter is up! A big thanks to my reviewers so far! This is one of my more popular stories! (Dances) Anyway, enjoy!**

July Nineteenth

I asked Dagger some very good questions in my opinion today. I asked her…

"Dagger, where's the love in a lap dance?"

"Pervo," she replied.

"Why are there no girls in short white dresses?"

"Oh God…"

"How do you close a goddamn door?"

"What the hell?"

--

See, my iPod has songs from Panic! At the Disco. So…

_I'd chime in with a 'Haven't you people ever heard of, closing a goddamn door?'_

_I'm exactly where you like me you know, where's the love in a lap dance?_

_There are no, raindrops on roses and girls in white dresses, it's sleeping with roaches and taking best guesses…_

Cheyeah. Well, I'm in a questioning sort of mood…so…

"Dagger, where do babies come from?"

"THAT'S IT!"

--

So, yeah...we went to the damn Iifa Tree again. We fought this really weird monster…thingy.

AND THAT'S THE END OF DISK TWO! HELLA CHEYEAHH!

Oh, and the fat emo queen died. Dagger cried. I threw a party. My sexy shirt was burned. I cried. Done.

--

July Twentieth 

So, Dagger is SUPER pissed at me. I'm at a bar, thinking about her…and where to buy a new shirt.

It's times like this when I want to dance…so, I will.

"I'M BRINGING SEXY BACK YO!"

Damn. Blank and the rest almost caught me doing that. So…

-goes back to sulking-

Vivi came with the boss. He dragged me to the boat where we saw the rat chick.

So, Freya, Vivi, Amarant, Eiko, and I went to the castle and we saw Dagger again. Man, she was so hot in that dress.

iT ws lykE…so kewl!11shift1 OMGROFL I lyke chtsp3ak!

I didn't say anything worth mentioning. Mmmm…makes me feel pathetic and alone.

--

Eiko got mad at me and told me, "YOUR MOM!"

"Eiko, the jokes on you 'cause I don't have a mom!"

-Stare-

--

I. Have. The. Urge. To. Be. A. Spazz.

But I'll hold off until the...**right time.**

--

**Eiko: -spazzes-**

**Vivi: Simon Says! Yayyy! **

July Twenty-first

We're in Treno baby! Yep, since everyone was getting worried about me, I decided to put them out of the misery and act all…hApPy Go LuCkY!

Cutting is a big pain in the ass. Here's an idea of what I mean:

-slash-

"Argh, I missed!"

-slash-

"Dammit, missed again…"

-slash-

"Cut, damn you!"

-slash-

"OW! MY TOE!"

Uhh…yeah.

--

**Note: Oh my God! Yayy, I updated finally! Sorry for the wait…! Anyway, this chapter seemed a bit sucky…but whatev. Anyway, hope you guys enjoyed!**


	6. Life Sucks

Diary of Zidane Tribal

**Note: I. Am. So. Sorry. Seriously.**

July Twenty-Second

Oh. My. God. Yes! I won the card tournament! I'm like, so happy! Yep. I got these spiffy cards. They so totally own.

Now I'm hearing that Alexandria is under attack. Great. Now I have to go all the way over THERE and get knocked out for three days.

NOT knocked up. Because I am a MAN! And, I am PROUD!

Anyway, the gang and I headed out to Alexandria. Eiko jumped off the side of the ship.

God, that twerp had what was coming to her.

--

So, I rescued Dagger. She was all like,

"I luff you Ziddy!! Lets do it right now!!"

No. Not really. I really wish though. –Sigh-

Wait. What?

--

July Twenty-Fifth

Today, I saw Dagger. She was mute, poor thing, heheh not really. Now she can't set her eidolons on me when I peek into her shower, I mean—

--Hit Vivi with a rake. Yeah.

--

I want to see a Rastafarian…DAGGER! Haha K.R. you wanted me to wear a rainbow hat! With dreadlocks! Would I? Nah.

I'm Ziddylicious, my body stays vicious. Remotely.

--

You know, it's really easy to make something sound perverted if you try had enough.

"Hi."

Oh…never mind…

"Hi…" (seductively)

Dammit, NO!

"Yes!" (Seductive laugh)

-Runs away-

That's just wrong.

--

Today, we also tried turning Cid into a human. You do NOT want to know what I saw. Like the transformation of his –censored-

--

There are some people with no lives. Like, Mr. 288 in the Black Mage Village. He sits in the cemetery for like, ever. I'm surprised he hasn't stopped yet.

Another one is that damn authoress. She's either on the gayest website, Neopets, or an equally stupid but less gay site called Gaia.

Wait. –gasp-

Gaia, so she's in my world! No way…no…THIS IS A LIVING HELL!

Wait…she's already in my world. Mikaru or whoever. Crap.

Now I'm confused. –sucks thumb-

--

**Steiner: I feel like I am reading another dirty magazine…-hides diary in stash-**

**Freya?**

**Steiner: -blushes- Uhm…nevermind.**

--

July Twenty-Sixth

Today we went back to the Black Mage Village. All the mages were gonna except for Mr. 288 and a few who were taking care of the damn chocobo.

So, Vivi was all sad and angry 'cause the other mages went with Kuja.

I bet Kuja offered some…pleasures if they came willingly. Heheh.

--

Um, yeah. I'm tired so I'm gonna go to bed. Maybe Dagger will sleep with me…

-sneaks off to Dagger's bed-

--

**Note: I'm deeply sorry for my lack of updates. Please don't mind me anymore. I think this is the only fic I'll be updating. Anyway, hope y'all enjoyed. I DO have a Gaia by the way. MikaruSato-Chan is my name so send me a PM on there if you'd like. Bye for now. And yes, I will continue updating this.**

**Kthnxbai.**


	7. For the Manly, or Not

Diary of Zidane Tribal

**Note: I'm updating about a week after my birthday! And about a month and like, 10 days from my last update. I can't say anything anymore, heheh. Happy reading.**

July Twenty-Seventh

You can never look manly…DRINKING FROM A JUICE BOX!

Or um…using WINDEX!

Yeah. Don't ask how I know.

**How do you know?**

Dammit.

I know because, you wrote it in your gay-ass story, loser.

Yeah.

--

Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Ohmygod, shoes. Let's get some shoes!

I so totally agree with that blonde chick. My shoes rule, your shoes suck.

Duh!

Muffins…-drools- I really want a cartoon muffin.

It looks more like a cupcake though.

--

Anyways, back to the game.

We went to find Kuja. We fell in a hole. The end.

No, not really.

I needed to entertain myself during that time. Don't ask me how I did.

**How did you?**

Damn you, and your author-ity.

That pun sucked.

I seriously forgot how.

--

**Kuja: My brother…is finally following in my footsteps! –triumphant gesture-**

--

When I woke up, I was with Cid. I'm seriously hoping he didn't molest me…

So anyhow, (that sounds gay), I went to find Kuja. He wanted some sort of stone so I had to get a party together and head off to some place called Oeilvert.

So I did.

So I could save my awesomely sexy, soon-to-be wife.

Cheyeah.

--

Have **you **ever prank called anyone? I have. It's a hell of a fun.

-ring-

**Hello?**

Heyy Kuja!

**Who is this?**

Jenny McFinkle! I'm calling because, I WANT MY –censored- MAGAZINES BACK!

**NOOO! I'm keeping them Jen!**

-pause-

Uhhh, Kuja? It's Zidane.

**Oh.**

**-pause-**

**-hangs up-**

-ring-

**Hello?**

Hello. I'm taking a survey. Would you take a few moments to answer?

**Sure.**

Okay. Question one. Are you promiscuous?

…**what the hell?**

I'll take that as a yes. Question two. Have you ever had sex on an airship?

**ZIDANE!! GET THE HELL OFF THE GODDANM PHONE!!**

-snigger- Sorry Kuja…

--

July Twenty-Eighth

Oeilvert is creepy. There's this really odd music that's playing. Yeah…so anyway, after walking and fighting stones that mirror other people on the team… (I had fun killing Steiner,) we finally had to fight a gigantic airship.

The monsters are getting weirder every day…

We beat the airship though. Easy peasy.

I'm tired. Tomorrow will be like, odd, 'cause I won't wake up and see Dagger…-sigh-

Oh well. She's mute. So she can't talk to me and say I'm a perv anyway…

**--**

**Note: Updated. Finally huh? Nothing else to say. I'll update How Did I…? soon hopefully. I have a picture of Ai, heheh. **

**It's on sakuraribbons(dot)deviantart(dot)com **

Just look for the picture in my gallery. She has red hair.

**Yeah. Enjoy it, my loyal How Did I…? fans. **

**I got the prank call idea from my friend. He did the same calls.**

**kthnxbai.**


	8. Thumb wars are fun

Diary of Zidane Tribal

**Note: Heylo. Pervy chapter, much. It's also short too, but I can't think of what else to write. I'm sorry.**

July Twenty-Ninth

So I was doing some thinking.

Wait.

What the hell?

I just lied.

--

Yeah.

So today, we met up again with the other half of the mob.

Yes, the mob.

Dagger was all like, "…"

As in, she still couldn't talk.

I felt sorry for her, so I started to make out with her, but then Steiner hit my on the head.

Hard.

--

Haha, Eiko got kidnapped.

Finally.

That kid was starting to annoy me.

--

Y'know, Fergie taught me how to spell.

"Hey Zidane, spell your name."

Dammit, Freya.

"D-E-L-I-C-I-O-U-S."

"No Zidane, your **name.**"

"I spelled it. D-E-L-I-C-I-O-U-S. Zidane. Happy now?"

Freya banged her head on the wall for about five minutes after.

--

I had a thumb war today.

"1-2-3-4, I declare a thumb war. 5-6-7-8, I use this hand to masturbate."

Heheh.

"We're like, twins, Zidane! I did too!"

What the hell, Garland?

Oh well.

Mansex, anyone? Just kidding. That's not very appropriate for a T rating.

--

So anyway. We went to Esto Gaza today.

Yeah.

It was cold.

I asked Dagger if she could keep me warm.

"…"

I got hit on the head again.

Damn you, Steiner.

--

Mount Gulug was…weird.

There were bulletin boards everywhere.

And who the hell is Slaar the Mole?

Sounds like the King. The Burger King, dude. He's like a molester, or something.

And that mole…like, y'know, MOLE-ster.

Why do my puns suck?

--

We found Eiko.

Vivi almost wet himself with joy.

Again.

Those two jokers, Thorn and Zorn were doing something to her.

Extracting eidolons is an excuse.

--

Do you feel like a man when you push your girl around?

Yep. I do.

Just kidding.

--

Guess what? That Geico caveman is getting a T.V show.

HE IS A LUCKY BASTARD.

C'mon, if it was so easy to do what he does, then I'd be the one with a show.

**Zidane, you have a video game. Not to mention odd fanfictions. **

Shut up, authoress.

Hey, did you know she changed her username?

Yeah.

I think The Tiny **Pea** is a codeword for…_something else._

-coughcough-

Yeahh. I'm done now.

--

**Note: Long time no see, guys! So sorry to keep you guys waiting like that. Again. Anyway, hope you guys enjoyed. By the way, my Disc 3 broke so I'm using walkthroughs and stuff to find out what's happening in the game. If I miss a part here or in the coming chapters, tell me so I can fix it. Thanks!**


	9. Shake Your Moneymaker

Diary of Zidane Tribal

**Note: This chapter is crap. And I've been keeping you guys waiting for a long time :'(**

July Thirtieth 

So.

It's almost the end of the story.

We just have the last bit of Mount Gulug, some pointless filler, Ipsen's Castle, Terra, some more pointless filler, the final showdown, and then a few years, and then the end.

**How do you know that?**

…uh, I dunno.

**As usual.**

Yeah.

…

Hey, wait!

--

We found Hilda today.

I was like…

…OMG.

She's…

…she's…

…she's…

…HIDEOUS!

--

Just kidding.

--

aufhvgakwjrhuaaueyrueomgifyoureadthismessageyouneedalifejustkiddingkeauowusjh

--

Anyway, after finding Hilda, we went back to Lindblum.

She turned Sid back into a human.

Sad…

Now I can't get Quina to try and eat him if he gets me mad.

--

Now I have to go to some place…called Ipsen's Castle.

Who the hell decided to name the place?

Some guy named Ipsen?

Pah, yeah right.

**Um, a guy named Ipsen DID.**

Oh.

--

Dagger is missing.

…

Whewt!

Just kidding.

--

Time to go look for her.

--

I found her.

Well, before that, Rusty found Beatrix.

So she gave me garnet.

To give to Dagger.

Yeah.

--

Dagger cut her hair.

The hair on her head, anyway.

It's hot.

Much.

--

Harry Potter.

ONGZ! I have spoilers for book seven, like,

-censored-

Damn.

--

I sound like a girl.

Kuja pointed it out to me.

I didn't believe him.

Until…

…I heard my voice-actor for Dissidia.

I sound like Naruto.

--

BELIEVE IT!

--

**Note: Eh, I'm ebil, not posting anything for a whole month.**

**Anyway, HP 7 came out. I read spoilers on Wiki. It sounds good.**

**Mmm, Dissidia. I can't wait for it to come out. Check YouTube for the trailer.**

**Might not reply to reviews, because I'm going to Wisconsin.**

**Ciao! **


	10. I need new pickup lines!

Diary of Zidane Tribal

July Thirty-First

Have you met Seymour Dick?

Dagger wishes she did. Get it?

She told me last night, in a very sexy dream.

One of my dreams, anyway.

--

Spell attic.

A-T-T-I-C.

Get it?

AHAHAHAHA!

HAHA!

Hahaha.

Haha.

Heh…

…okay, I'm done.

--

High School Musical…TWO!

Dudes, it's like, awesome.

…

So what if I like it?

…

A bay bay?

Cheyeah.

--

Today we went to the Shimmering Island, also known as (AKA!) Terra.

I HAVE A SISTER.

Whewt.

I wonder if she's like me?

I'm so sexy, she might be, too. Under her smugness, anyway.

Wait.

That didn't come out right.

--

I'm a…clone. I think.

Dude, that rocks.

Kuja dropped me on Gaia 'cause he was so jealous of my…sexiness.

Probably on my head though.

That's what Vivi said.

--

I'm emolicious.

You know why?

I'll tell you why.

Pandemonium dudes.

YOU'RE NOT ALONE, okay kiddos?

Yeah.

--

July Thirty-Second

**Zidane! That's not a real date!**

Whoops.

--

August First

I killed Garland.

I mean, Kuja killed Garland.

He kicked him off a cliff.

What a pathetic way to die.

Honestly.

--

We fought Kuja, and won.

…kinda.

--

After we (sorta) beat him, we had to rescue all the Extra Terrestrials. I mean, Terrans.

Dagger and I were alone.

"Dagger?"

"Yes?"

"Are you from Tennessee?"

"Huh…?"

"You're the only ten I see!"

"…"

--

"Dagger?"

"Hmm?"

"Can I have a band-aid?"

"What happened?"

"I got hurt when I fell for you."

"…"

-gets kicked in shin-

Damn. That hurt.

**TBC**


	11. Meme overload!

Diary of Zidane Tribal

Date unknown

Shit. That authoress really screwed up this time.

Her last update was over a freaking year ago.

Thanks to her, I don't know what the date is now.

…

…I like mudkips.

--

So we've come back home to Gaia.

I gotta say /b/ is a better home though.

**Zidane!**

What?!

**/b/ is for mature audiences only!**

…but people are reading this…

…**touché.**

--

I called Richard and Eric today.

I wanted my Battletoads.

What? You don't know who Richard and Eric are?

They work in Gamestop.

Richard eats mudkipz.

--

Date unknown

So I decided to see Twilight today.

Man, what the frack happened to Bella's pants in the bedroom scene?

It was like, one second they were there, and the next, they were gone.

Edward, I need to learn some tricks from you.

--

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK.

Thanks ! You ruined my sanity.

I just saw two IMVU chicks making out.

Get a room, for the love of God.

--

Vivi finds it necessary to make 'your mom' jokes after over 9000 seconds.

"Your mom, Freya."

"Jokes on you, I have two dads!"

Woah.

I shat the bricks just now.

--

Back to the game now.

We had a battle in the skies today.

We won.

Totally unexpected, eh?

--

I MISS CAMI.

Sorry. I just do.

--

Asdfjkl;aldhfalskdtiealsj.

Quina, what the hell?

--

Date unknown

Hay there, I like your hair. Who does your hair? I wanna go there.

We landed in Memoria today.

It's full of…memories.

Joking aside, it's pretty sad here.

--

Eiko claims to have found a new flute here.

"PIXORS OR IT DIDN'T HAPPEN, BAND GEEK!"

--

So if it isn't obvious, the authoress is losing her touch, eh?

You should probably inspire her.

4chan is not good inspiration, as you can probably tell.

--

…

…I see what you did thar.

--

**TBC**

**Note: Goodness, I miss this site! I really need to finish this up soon.**

**Richard and Eric by the way, are real people. 4chan (more specifically, /b/) decided to raid Gamestop. Pretty fun stuff.**

**Sorry this isn't good at all. I just needed to throw something on here; it's been a year and I miss you all! I'll try and edit this soon.**

**-Pea.**


End file.
